nothing more than nothing

i shouldnt have got into r/s. i mean ANY r/s that i ever got into. this includes all my mistakes, the wrongly choosen ones and those that i regrets.

i really dont think im ready. too immature. too young. too insecure. too unstable. too many "too"s. i just.. too fucked up

yea whatever. im real confused and i really dont know what the fuck i want. i really dont. its forming an unknown stress upon myself. this stress is self incurred, and i have no fucking slightest clue of what to do and why is it like this. so people out there, please do not ask me now. im too tired to answer. mentally shagged.

that level of stress is scary. i never felt so stressed. its worse than any stress i had handled. work or studies, not in any case. this stress disturbs me deeply. i really dont know where it came from and why it came.

there are alot of times i feel real unwell. i really wonder if i will go berserk soon. maybe? haha. weakling like that. whatever. some times, i really cannot take it already. i just need to blast it out.

so blast it where? here. in blogger. awesome. some times i really think i need a real good friend. a friend that i can talk to whenever i need. argh. do i have any? i dont know.

im so tired everyday. really wish i can dont wake up.

i think im really confused. so many thing rushing into my head recently. so many things i worry about. or maybe the fact is that i worry too much. why do i worry? who do i worry? what do i worry?

FUCK. DROWN ME. KILL ME. SLAP ME. PUNCH ME.

make me wake up. i need to wake up.

god i woke up this morning, and i go back to sleep till now.

yesterday was gourmet barbeque, the final and most fun event for all pkh staffs. this is the only time u see everyone party man. lotsa food, drink, people, and fun.

the food is goddaamn nice. i love mutton. i love tender, soft declicious mutton. they rocks man. other than that, i cant remember what else is nice actually. HAHA.

we are only allowed to eat and drink after 915. definitely, we will only start to party after which too (that is when people gets high and drunk). haha. its real fun. we keep on eating first, then as an entire group we went to dance. i cant dance. i feel like a robot with sun. anyway yea thats it.

me, claire, eugene, sun. we had a lil agreement. we should finish 5 paulaner beer yesterday. me, sun and claire we completed 4 1/2 bottles, and plenty lot of champagne. good stuff. what bout eugene wee? i think he only got 2, and then he disappear. we got TOTALLY no idea where he went. but anyway, fuck it. haha LOSER!.

after the previous merlion (eugene wee) left early, we saw 2 more sleeping merlions in siloso beach. haha. 2 drunkards. both me and waihong make sures they go home safely before we go back. in the end, i reach home around 3.

i was done and lying on the bed. there is something for me to puke inside me. so i went to toilet, puke 3 mouth, drink cold water, and i can sleep perfectly sound. so good sleep.

bye people. i will miss u guys, thats something for god damn fucking sure. alright? if there is any chance, call me out for dinner alright?

ADDITIONAL

FUCK NOW I REMEMBER. any one heard of the donut factory located at the basement of raffles city? fuck man. i went to queue for it yesterday for 4 1/2 hour! for a stupid amex centurion card member! god damn it. its nothing amazing man. just dough and nuts! god. the queue is so fucking long and it is even divided into 3 segments!

we even thought we are early to reach at around 12. but when we queue at 12.15, there is already 70 people le! and this 70 people all waits for their friend to join in later. GOD!. this is insane.

this is one of the most fucking shit i ever did in my entire fucking life man!

my eyes are real tired. i dunno why. maybe because of WGS. but finally, its coming to an end soon. so tired.

waihong asked me to stay for an additional week to clear my stuff before i go off. im not sure. i think i should, because i will get paid. on the other hand, im tired. im really tired. i feel that i cant move on anymore in any aspects.

so should i still work? on the sake of money? dont know man. can anyone tell me?

many stuffs are happening. things happen so fast and so sudden. fuck they are jamming up my fucking life. i cant move. i cant breathe. misery.

who can i talk to regarding my own problems? i have my own family problems, work problems, relationship problems and everything. am i that trouble-less? no i dont think so. it seems like i have no friends too.

think la people. if i ever have friends, would i need to talk to this lifeless dumb thing called a blog? am i right or not? cmon la. haha.

dont ask me not to be emo. emo is a way of me releasing myself. people around me cut themselves. wao. u know who u are man. i wish i have the balls to cut. shit. that sounds wrong. i dont mean i have no BALLS to cut but i mean i dont have the courage to cut. fuck.

feeling blue? yes. definitely. everyday. shagged. tired. im like a old car running out fuel. no, not exactly an old car. im a car that looks REAL OLD that couldnt run.

alright. since WGS coming to an end, i shall write some about it.

general

i think this year WGS is more fun than last. last year's joy and laughter came from vic and sam. this year, we have the uber funny interns. kulaa, claire, eugene, adam, chris etc. other than interns, the fulltimers also add some spice to my life. leah (again) and damon.

thanks people

of these interns, im most close wiht claire, eugene and chris. they all had made my days more interesting. i thought its gonna be boring since sam and vic left. but they proved me wrong. they could be fun too. thanks

other than that, the co is still like that. every one had gunpowder all over them. do not spark them off. i always got screwed, and i almost get it again today.thank goodness.

anyway, this year is fun. and it certainly is much better. thank u

leah

haha. god u are back. i didnt thought u would be back. i was surprised to see u back at work. but once again, its good to work with u again, especially now that both of us knows what to do already. real thankful =D

damon

didnt really much know him. jus know he is an uber cool, funny, yet efficient guy. a real good guy man. this fellow is full of crap and he almost never fails to be the pistachio (kai xin guo) haha

claire & eugene vs adam & kulaa

this 2 "couples" making their scandals come true. funny young kids. interesting fellows.

whatever man. now the blue is back. BLUE BLUE BLUE. im feeling blue everyday. great. now yet again. fuck i dont wanna wake up. let me sleep away.

i dont wanna wake up tomorrow.

i really dont know myself.

i fucking hate myself.

im a loser.

i ought to die man.

yet i dare not to.

am i a guy?

fuck. why am i blogging like mr leung chi wai's bro, leung siu wai? why am i keying a line by a line? lol thats god damn fucking gay.

perhaps i should be a gay man. find jerry with eugene man. thats god damningly gay. he will perhaps really fuck me up MY ASSHOLE. HAHA not funny

fuck me la. i really dont feel like leading such life. what do i want?

TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT?

WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT?

ARGH! fuck man. FUCK! some body do me a favour. slap me. i believe once i said so, your friends are all queueing up to do so. yea. i suck big time.

do i really deserve what i get? am i being abusive of the rights given to me? am i being a man? what are the external factors? what are the internal factors? any presence of X-factor? what more?

am i still too young for this? i think i am. agree or disagree, anyone?

i give u people 4 choices.

1) hate me
2) hate me
3) hate me
4) all of the above.

answer please?

Labels: fuck LA

alright. im at work now. im feeling sick. im tired.

i cant think recently. i dont know what im doing everyday. i need to think but i cant. can some one enlighten me?

what happen to me? i didnt mean to be that way but it ended up that way. i jus wanted to cool things down, get prepared for whatever im preparing for before anything.

army is supposed to be a pleasure to me. i would love to see myself grow into a tough strong man. a strong man doesnt mean physically strong, it also means mentally.

i need to reinforce on that man. my mental attributes must be real low. i never seems to get going in my life and i never seems to know my aim and target. it was clear a moment ago. then it blurred. after it blurred, it cleared and then it got blurred again. what the fuck is wrong with me?

that is it la. i dont know who the fuck i am like that. am i still boonpeng? or is everyone around me not themselves? i dont wish to carry emotions around but sometimes it just happen.

fuck. hate me. thanks

remember 30th may 2005? remember the many many other dates? remember 17th jan 2007? remember 12 mar 2007?

i said it today. i dunno why im such a coward. im running away instead of facing them. why? why am i becoming so? why do i try to sneak away from responsibilies? why am i doing all these?

i am being selfish isnt it?

yes i think i am. im sorry. im real sorry.

remember the message? the one i asked u to lock? did u constantly read it? i hope u do. i ...

im lost at words. i dunno wtf should i say. what should i do now?

my palms are red and sweaty.

my body is wet and stinky.

FUCK I JUST CAME BACK FROM ANOTHER CYCLING TRIP! im fucking shagged and tomorrow i had to go event to FUCK AROUND and GET FUCK BY OPS AGAIN!

yea. awards luncheon. better than luncheon meat in container. it cost 100+++ for one fucking seat to see those chefs take their awards and the blah the blah the blahh. like i care. haha. im gonna slack, get paid, and GO HUNGRY!. god damn it. screw it.

my sis jus declared something. she hate me.

why? because she pay road tax to get on the road but im not paying road tax yet im using the road. HA! LOSER! try travelling at 20+ 30km/hr and pedal non stop. thats the price instead of road tax. red swollen palm and tiring feet and thighs. aching DUDE!

hey girl, dont think too much. im gonna be alright jus like u will be. no worries. im growing. im gonna be a man, for the country, for u! (abit bullshit? yea i agree. whatever =X)

=D see u soon

HAHA. i got screwed at work again! YAY!

getting screwed is becomin a rountine for me. its a rountine i dont love but happens. fuck care it and fuck u. i told gen, im leaving on 28th april. that would be my last and final day at pkh. will go back to take my cheque on the oncoming week. isnt that great? im so pissed with work anyway too!

i dunno why i like to blog. i dont actually like/love to blog but i have no one to chat with, neither do i have a way of not being bored. so i had to blog. what the fuck im talking? nvm

im loving it

ladies and gentlemen. im going to be a man soon. im gonna go into army in approximately 2 months time? my enlistment date is 14th july

should i be happy or should i be sad? i dunno

had alot of mixed feeling within myself. i am happy because the day had arrived. i am going to be botak and chionging sua (hill). i would love the days and i think i wil enjoy them. as i said, try to complain less and things are going to be just fine. =D

however, on the other hand, im worried bout her. i dunno how she will feel. now that im working, she isnt very happy. whats gonna happen in 2 mths time? will army make us stronger? hopefully so

supposed to be what i want, yet its not happening like what i thought. so, anyone, please gimme a piece of advice?

shit lor. i went to heinz winkler dinner today. quite awhile since i last went for event at night, but it sure is fuck up.

i realised i did mistakes. pretty grave. almost driving matthew mad. for 2 invoice (that are shown to me. others might not have been shown) i write the dress code as smart casual. darn. i must have mixed up between the dinner and the masterclass. damn. i was fished and screwed. im quite disappointed bout myself for the mistake. sian. turn my day around.

other than that, another big error bout the event. for elegant chic, we didnt put jackets included. then alot of those singaporeans wear without jacket. once again. its accounts fault, or can say as my fault. damn la. fucked up.

haiz. fucking day. screwed up day. god damn it. god i hate it



ARGH!!!

fuck my bum hurts. i havent cycle for N months and today im back. cars, can u stop trying to kill me? i know im a careless mad fellow but u can always be the careful one. please please please ok?

thank u

anyway, i wanna go to the legendary FULLERTON HOTEL. haha. i wanna see how cool is it. mmm. siuwai aka bebe will know what i mean. hiak hiak

in life there are alot of things that required qualifications. either u qualify for it, if not u can fuck off far far.

if u are qualified, u are entitled the rights to do certain things. of course. if u are not qualified then too bad. im sorry. thats all i can say to u brother. so, fuck it. why? because i dont qualify and thus not entitled to it. fucking cow dung.

this morning was at piper heidsick champagne brunch at ulu ulu restaurant at night safari. was there in the morning. its abit of contradicting. i thought everything seem smooth but it is only until the debrief did i realise alot went wrong. wao. actually it doesnt bother me but somehow it did bother me. anyway the italics isnt much bout it all but partly it does play its part.

fuck it. i love saying fuck recently. will feel much better after letting out one whole line of vulgarities. stress is good. i love stress. i love life being a workaholic. i love wgs. i love doing shit jobs

so, fuck it

haha friday the 13th. u are sweet. u too. and u. the guy in blue at the corner. u are real sweet too.

sweethearts. all over.

friday the 13th is cool. fucked up all day long. fucking cool. WOOO.

i love WGS

hi, i jus bath after reaching home from work. a new breed of robot had invade earth. code name , boonpeng aka pong peng pang.

FUCK I LOVE WGS. and FUCK I MISS MY GIRL

yay! WGS had begun. today worked till 11+. reach back home at 1130. shag. rope burn, paper cuts and so many other wounds. song. haha. i saw alot of major chefs, including my mum "good friend" sam leong. angelo sanelli is a funny fat ass. and another chef yelled at me jokingly. cant remember his name. haha. funny la. but im real tired because of the carrying of bags and so. pissing me off. that dumb ass hendrew. bloody gay + slacker

today waihong did a good job on invoicing and tallying. went back and they are on the way to completing the tallying job. well done. =D

tired. off to rest. see ya tml. another long and hectic day tml

alright ladies and gentlemen. todays blog is all bout my wife. almost all, abit on work too i supposed?

started the day back in office at work. nothing much today. went funan at 2+ to buy 400 cds and 300 cd cases. thats f-ing lot. bought lunch too and waihong had YET to pay me. $5.50 bucks ah. LENA ALSO. hows your car lena? oh i forget u have no car, lena.

fuck it. anyway i skipped "goodie bag packing session" to go home and rest. tonight 2 am going to graveyard to sao mu. gonna be a uber long day.

anyway. JOLIN CONCERT! (lousy pic due to lousy phone. lol)




thats the stage.




the sexy her on poster. lol



and the 2 dumb asses.

its not to my expectation. nice, but not as nice. could be much better of course. its free, so WHO CARES~

haiz. im devastated. bad friday.

shit there are total of 4 fishes being alive when i reach her house. 2 was dead and rotten. i had to clean it up. anyway, i cleared and i put all of them into a bag and wanna take them home with me. but when i reach back, 2 was dead. so im left with 2 fishes being alive. however after transferring them to my tank, after an hour, both of them are dead. im sad. my fav fish is dead. the cute round catfish is dead. i held it in my hands when it died. it feeel so... sad



i feel guilty. if i had not brought them back maybe they would have survived. haiz

anyway, next week is WGS. this time round im not going for as much event as last year. last year i manage to go for quite a few couple of events thanks to vic and sam. but this year is different. im left with waihong and a new lena. hows your car lena? yea whatever. as much as im concern, get past WGS, stay a couple of weeks more to clear up the mess for waihong, and off i go to my "holiday" at home. was considering staying awhile longer but if i do so, she is going to start nagging at me. not my mum, so u can guess who.

alot of people is leaving PKH again. lol. interns, and even full timers. HB, an old and experienced IT staff, had left already. lets see how many i know had left already. HMMM

whatever. PKH dont bother bout keeping their staff anyway. is this treated as a complaining entry?

WELL WHO CARES~